And finally August 11,2015 was here. My Doctor appointment was set for 9.45 am on  Tuesday morning.

After being diagnosed with Avascular Necrosis in my right hip on June 26.2015, I had a core decompression surgery on July 3rd…barely a week after and less then 24 hours from meeting my surgeon.

I spent 4 atrocious weeks with no weight bearing and crutches. I was finally release a month after and since then I have been waiting for today

All I wanted, all I wished for was from my Doctor to say YES. I wanted to be released and back to work. I wanted that release letter so bad that probably my brain convinced my body to walk and don’t feel any pain. My job is my universe. Travel is my passion . I have never lived a year without traveling.


I woke up early and as soon as my eyes opened I grabbed my phone and sent a text to one of the pilots 

Good luck to both of us today. You got this and I got this. Don’t be worry. I will text you as soon as I get released !

I drove to my appointment and I was 30 minutes early…I couldn’t stay at home, I couldn’t do anything else in that particular state of mind. None of the pilots could come but for some reasons, I felt like I needed one of them with me and I was going by myself.

  

 In my mind I had already the release letter in my hands. The one that I needed to send to the Aviation Doctor , especially after he sent me this

  

As I was walking down the holloway towards the Doctor Office my heart was beating faster and faster at each step I was making. I was excited and scared at the same time. I simply wanted a Yes. 

  

I was holding my ” Remove before flight ” attached to my purse so hard … Like if I was going to die and never be able to hold that tag again in my life.

  
And there I was . . .waiting while making a small talk with an adorable 4 years old. She was telling me that she wanted to become a doctor and showed to me her Doctor’s kit. She was so serious about and than,all the sudden they called my last name. I followed the nurse. She took me to do x rays. I asked her ” If you do x rays on the left hip anything will be perfect…the doctor will think I’m a miracle and you will even become famous because you did x rays on someone that had a miracle ! ” Of course she said ” no ” even if I tried to convince her multiples times.

After that she took me straight into the room. Another nurse came asking me some questions…then she left.

  
I waited for my doctor and to keep worries off my mind I just started to have happy and positive thoughts and take silly selfies. This is what happens when I wait for more then 5 minutes into a Doctor Office. Finally Doctor P. Entered into the room with his big bright smile. One of those that tries to make you forget your problems and worries. He asked me the ” routine questions ” and I replied to each one of them.

The Doctor made me walk twice down the holloway, then he made me do squats . No pain at all. He said that the ” non pain ” was a good sign. I wasn’t sure about that. And finally I said the phrase 

I need to go back to work

He simply told me that he knew. He knew we had a deal made over a month ago. He released me back to duty!!! He wrote me a small note to send to the Aviation Doctor and to bring to my company on Thursday , while he was preparing a long detailed letter in which he was going to explain that I had enough ROM to go back to work.

I was happy about that . . . I wasn’t thrilled about the rest that will remain as a conversation between me and my doctor. We had a talk about my health but in that moment, I couldn’t focus anymore and it wasn’t because the yes you can go back to work. I had questions written down. Questions that I wanted to ask. Questions that I never asked.  I was exhausted from the few hours of sleep from the night before and perplex about the medical part. Today I think I should have asked those questions but I couldn’t focus anymore .

As I walked out I sent the text message to my pilot friend to inform him about the good news. Was a good news to be released? Still today I’m not sure about anything. He was happy when he called me. He told me that my company had no reason to do not keep me. Still today I have the feeling  that they are scared about the Avascular necrosis and that could be a good enough reason for them to say No.

Was that what I wanted? To go back to my company ? To fly for them?

I didn’t know. I still don’t know. Do I really want to come back to a company that knows about this disease? I have no idea. I feel like, if I go back they will have more expectations about me and that they will watch my hip closely.

What if my hip collapse during ground school? Can I make six weeks?

Those questions have been tormenting me since then. I’d rather work for a new aviation company that go back there. However it is so hard to get hired and make it to the end of ground school. I’m just going to let destiny decide for me. I wanted to go back so much and now that I had that yes from my doctor, I didn’t want to deal with the aviation doctor.

And now who do I needed to blame for the MEDICAL MISTAKE? I think I don’t even care about it. I think I just need to deal with the consequences … Afterall I seriously do not want to go to court and bla…bla… I know my doctor was not the one that made the mistake

Afterall with an AVN we all know how things go… Don’t we? I came at the conclusion that is like a living cancer that kills your bones slowly. The question is ? One bone ? Two ? More ? How slow it will travel? Will it stay in one place?… I can’t keep ask those questions to myself.

I have a plan. I will stick to it. Life doesn’t end…no yet. My life will end when I complete my bucket list, when I will be old.


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