THE GRIEVING STAGES
1 DESPERATE FOR ANSWER ( I’m past this one )
You want understand WHY this happened. Why he( well in my case is a HE ) did this. What went wrong. Your mind is spinning so much with questions and especially with ” What IF ?” At the point that you get migraines along with tears.
You keep denying that
this is happening to you . And of course, you convince yourself that you cannot live without him. You are still full of hopes that you almost put aside your well being .
3 BARGAIN ( I’m past this one but probably not 100% yet )
You are willing to compromise to have him back. You avoid to see
what was wrong in the relationship and you are willing to close or keep your eyes closed on certain things . You tell yourself that you will be a better partner and that things can really change . However, after a breakup , even if you go back together, I don’t believe things can go back like they were or be ” better ” . Do you know why ? Because you will live in the fear ” What if he breaks up with me?…. Maybe I shouldn’t do this ” and without realizing it, you can find yourself in a co dependent relationship. The Fear Of Loss is what move people and the human brain to do things.
You don’t want to do a thing. You just want to stay in bed all day . You want let yourself go. Sometimes you feel depressed because you know ” he is someone you used to talk to everyday “. You are missing something in your life, you are missing those phone calls and text messages and for some people like me, Skype conversations . This was the hardest one for me. Dealing with this part of the grieving wasn’t easy at all. Thankfully I have a demanding job and I don’t gave time to be depressed.
When you let go some of your fear, anger comes into play. Anger can empower you , so it is a good thing. Personally, I haven’t been affected that much by this stage. I know why he broke up with me and I didn’t want to be angry at him because in the end, I loved him, because he was, he is, someone that made me happy and made me smile more. I was a little angry of course, because he chose to do not work things out .
6 ACCEPTANCE ( I’m past that )
This is the grieving stage in which you have to let it go even if you don’t want to. It feels like you are surrendering because deep inside you, you know it is over. You are finally realizing that is just
not good and healthy for you to keep trying.
7 REDIRECT HOPE ( Here I’m!!! )
You start to Redirect your hope. Deep inside you, there is a little hope but you know at this point that, even if he doesn’t comes back You will be ok. You know that your life will continue, with or without him and you actually are ok with the idea of being single.
How did I managed to get to the 7th stage of Grieving ?
It has been 2 weeks and 2 days since ~M~ broke up with me.
It is getting easier everyday. Baby steps .
There are less tears. Sleeping is coming back to normal. Eating is back to normal.
I’m still dealing with nighttime Dreams. I had about 3 of them this past week. In all of them ~ M ~ comes back or call or text me . It is weird the tricks that your subconscious can play on and with your mind. My mind and my heart know that he will never come back but for some reason , my subconscious keeps make that happen. I truly believe that unconsciously I have a slice of hope that those are PREMUNITION DREAMS , like the ones I was having when I was younger or like the ones I have rarely. . . I don’t question myself about what I would do
IF HE COMES BACK , because that, will prevent myself to move on and move forward.
❤️2 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS ❤️
What happened during those 2 weeks and 2 days ?
1 I cried a lot. I fell asleep crying a few times.
2 I started to cry while driving because the songs at the radio were killing me.
3 I called friends. I cried with my roommates. I had more then one drink ( and for a lightweight like me is kinda of a big deal)
4 I went out on 2 Dates . Different guys. It was a disaster. Neither of them were ~ M ~ . I didn’t had ” the sparkle “. I ended up crying in the car on my way back at home.
5 Now… THE BEST PART of my break up. Since I’m a Flightattendant and , since ~ M ~ mainly left me because my job, on my days off I have been traveling more. I went to visit friends, explore cities , museums and much more ! This has been the fun part and I’m honestly lucky because, with this job, I can get away on my days off.