Current Status :
Today is a month, 30 days, since M broke up with me.
Sometimes I still scroll down the facebook messenger, go on our messages and click on his profile to see if he has unblocked me .
No, he hasn’t . Sometimes I go and look on his tweeter to see if he posted something new ( It is usually work related). Not much. Sometimes I go and look at his facebook business page for new posts or new likes on his posts. Not much .
You get ” curious ” about your ex after a breakup. You wonder if he is already dating others and you almost want to go on dates,just in case,you find out he is ,so you can feel better about yourself .
You ” wonder ” if his mind ever go to you. If he actually forgot about your existence on planet Earth. And next thing you know, you are googling this and that.
They went by fast . The first two weeks were like walking on barefeet on a mountain during a snowstorm. Little by little,the sun started to come out, the snow started to melt down and I started to run. It has been a process,as in everything.
My toughts about him
He won’t come back. I know that. I have always had that acknowledgement . Why would He? My job is still the same. I still live 30,000 feet above the ground. I still cannot be in the same place everyday. I still cannot take care of a dog. I still cannot wake up next to him daily.
Do I miss him ?
Yes and No. At this point, my mind is using both, the mid brain and the logical part of the brain. Both combined,are giving to me clarity. There are things that I miss. I miss US and what we had. I miss how he treated me. I miss our ability to play. What I
don’t miss ? I’m unsure about it. Maybe the fact that he was so ” needy ” because he had a lot of time,he could send me a lot of text messages. He wasn’t really understanding towards my job and my ” I have 4 flights today. I’m really busy”. Maybe,at this point, I’m just trying to find what I do not miss about him but truth is, my mind is trying to lie . If it wasn’t for my job, we would still be together.
M and I were together when I became a flightattendant . We were together before that excruciating training, during and after. I was visiting him in Philadelphia during my days off. NOW? Even if I want to go on a date is impossible
1 I’m gone for 4 or 5 days at the time.
2 If I’m at my base , I’m on call at the airport.
3 During My 2 days off I travel for pleasure because I fly for free and I love to travel.
Those 3 points make dating Impossible . Let’s assume I meet someone in another State,sure, I can go visit him during my days off but that would involve pay for hotel anytime. It can get expensive. Let’s assume I meet someone,that lives near my base , well, hard to keep me there on days off and hard to explain that I live with 18 pilots and other 7 flightattendants. With M was easier because we were already together. As much as I prepared him about the job,he couldn’t take it.
Right now I’m in Madison, Alabama. I used to skype with M during my layovers, after my workout. Now that
part is gone . I got used in those 30 days to don’t skype with him . Which is good.
So I keep living my life without you ….
Working, traveling, working out, relax , explore new cities .
Everyday I miss you a little less Matt. I will never forget your smile, your blue eyes, our vacation,our times together,meeting your family,taking the train with you,explore Philadelphia ,our first kiss in Baltimore,the way how we met,our first conversation .