I worked so hard for my WINGS. They were my whole world . Traveling the world was my whole world. My office was the SKY. My house was an AIRCRAFT . I still can see myself smiling, putting my uniform on, running up and down airports with my TRAVEL PRO carry on and bag. What happened to THAT SMILE? What happened to the GIRL that loved the SKY?

She still does. I still do. 

My last month in the airline was fulfilled with delays and cancellations , with days off moved here and there, with minimum rest time. 

I was spending less and less time with my boyfriends and too much time commuting to see him but never for more then 24 or 30 hours.

The love for the sky, for my very little paycheck, the mistakes and the abuse that my company was inflicting to me started to take my smile AWAY.

Where is home?“. Passengers always ask that question. I didn’t know where home was. My life was in a carry on. I learnt how to live and love that lifestyle .

Be a Flight Attendant is a lifestyle , not a job.

My happiness was fading away along with the time that I was spending with my boyfriend and my puppy. The ” so little money” started to affect my bank account and my stress.

My me time was fading away. 

The fear of crew scheduling calls was taking the place of anything. 

I was tired and exhausted .

My happiness was gone.

I knew that if I loved to fly and I didn’t want it anymore , something was wrong. 

I will always love the sky. I will always love the Flight Attendant status , however I started to crave   ” normality“.

I wanted to wake up next to my boyfriend everyday, I wanted to see my puppy growing up. I wanted to dress up on Hallooween and go to celebrate.

I wanted what I had and what I gave up.

Were my wings worth ?

I had flight benefits but I was always too broke to go to explore because booking and hotel and pay for an uber or lyft or a train was an issue. My paycheck was less then a waitress. 

The only thing that kept me sane was my ” Crashpad”, my house shared with 18 pilots and 8 Flight attendants. Then one of my favorite flight attendant and friend decided to give up the wings because she was ” missing home. Missing her boyfriend “. 

She did what I wanted to do but didn’t have the courage.

Not yet.

Then one day something happened and I had to be on medical leaves for 2 weeks.

I went on a road trip, I saw friends, I spent time with my boyfriend. I had time to think.

Once I headed back to my base I was ready.

Ready to leave the SKY.

Will I stop traveling ? No. I always had jobs that lead me to adventures.

Will I go back in the SKY?

Maybe , one day I will go back flying but if so, for another airline. With mine, it is a chapter of my life that is closed.

Someone told me ” Do not look back ” and as much as it is hard…I won’t look back. Not this time.

It is a little sweet and sour.

The future is uncertain now and I have to stay and be strong.

September 21,2016